Who has the most "DIRT!"

Most client's coming in to see me about a divorce or other custody matter, want to tell me all about the "dirt" they have on the other parent. After 15 years of practicing family law, I have heard it all. Stories about how promiscuous the other parent is, stories about how much the other parent drinks, stories about drugs the other parent uses, how messy the other parent is, how angry the other parent is, even stories about the other parent's eating habits. I had one client that was convinced that the Court had to give him custody because the other parent was a diabetic. I have spent hours listening to client's give me all the "dirt" about the other parent, hoping that I would tell them it was enough to win their custody fight. In the end they are usually disappointed when I tell them, "Well this is all very well and good, but you haven't told me one reason why YOU are the right person for the job."

Unfortunately, most people think that a custody battle is all about who has the most dirt on the other person, when in reality 90% of the battle is telling the Court why they are the best person to have primary custody. Don't get me wrong, it is important to know the bad things about the other parent, and it will be useful in Court, but that should not be the main focus. A parent must be able to show the Court what qualities make them stand out as the person who should be primarily responsible for the upbringing of the child. The standard in Texas is always "what's in the BEST interest of the child" not "what's the least WORSE for the child."

I had a case recently where I represented the wife in a divorce. The husband was on the stand testifying. No matter what question he was asked he always found a way to end his answer with something negative about his wife. If the question was was whether his child took piano lessons, his answer would be, "Yes, but I always took the child she never took the child." If the question was how are the child's grades, his answer would be, "Very good, but she never helps him with his homework." This went on for about seven or eight questions, until the judge, who was very upset by this point, stop the questioning and chastised the father. The Judge said, "This is about you, not your wife, so listen to the questions and stop turning everything into a negative comment about your wife." I think you can guess who won primary custody.

So if you find yourself about to go through an ugly custody battle, first seek out a good family law attorney, and then start making a list of all the reasons YOU are the person who should have primary custody of the child. Only after that should you make your list of "dirt" on the other person. For every negative you come up with on the other person, you should have three positive things that make you the better person for primary custody. In the end it is not about who has the most "dirt" on the other person, it's about who is best for the child.