But, I don't want a divorce.

I have had numerous occasions where someone came to me because their spouse has filed for divorce and my client, said, "but, I don't want a divorce." Often times one of the spouses will get to that point where they no longer want to be married. The other spouse, however, is not yet there, and still wants to try to make the relationship work. I have had many client's ask if they can oppose the divorce and make the other person stay married to them. The old axiom, "It takes TWO to make a marriage work" is truer than ever when it comes to divorce. In Texas, if one of the parties wants the divorce, the Court is going to give them a divorce. In 1933 New Mexico became the first state to pass the "no fault" grounds for divorce. Shortly thereafter, every state passed similar laws. In Texas their are seven different grounds for divorce. The most common is the grounds of insupportability. Basically, this means that a person files for divorce and says, "my marriage has become insupportable due to a discord or conflict of personalities that destroys the legitimate ends of our marriage relationship and there is no reasonable expectation of reconciliation." In other words, "I don't get along with my spouse any more and I don't want to stay married to them, and there is no way we can work this out." When I explain this to a client that doesn't want to get divorced, they often tell me, "thats not true, we can work this out if he or she will just try." And there in lies the problem. If the other person doesn't want to try, then its not going to work no matter how bad my client wants it to.

The Court only needs one person to say, "no, I am not going to try, it just won't work," and thats all it takes for the Judge to grant the divorce. Remember when I said it takes TWO. Well it does, and no matter how bad ONE wants to make the marriage go on, it won't, and the divorce is going to happen. Fortunately, there are many support groups out there to help the person that is struggling with the fact that their spouse is divorcing him or her. I always incourage my client who is facing a divorce he or she doesn't want, to seek counseling with one of these groups. Most are offered through various churches and you don't have to be a member of the church to go. In these groups they meet other people who are also going through a divorce they don't want. Many of my client's have been better able to cope with their unwanted divorce by attending these groups.

So, if you are one of these persons whose spouse is divorceing you but you don't want to get divorced, first get good legal representation. I can't tell you how many times I have seen someone who didn't want to get a divorce, give up everything because they were too emotional to think clearly when it came to devidinng assets or decideing what to do with the children. That is why you hire an attorney. The attorney is not there to help you with the emotional side of the divorce, he is there to help you with the decisions you are not emotionally able to make. Second, get envolved in a grood counseling group. They are there to help you with the emotional aspect of a divorce, especially when you don't want to get a divorce.